How To Photograph Your Puppy

Remove film from box and load camera.

Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in garbage.

Remove puppy from garbage and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

Choose a suitabe background for photo.

Mount and focus camera.

Go find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

Place pup in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

Forget about spot and crawl after pup on knees.

Focus with one hand and fend off pup with the other.

Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

Take flash cube from pup’s mouth and discard.

Throw out cat and put peroxide on scratch on pup’s nose.

Put ashtray and magazines back on coffee table.

Try to get cute expression by squeaking toy over head.

Replace your glasses on your face and fish camera from under sofa.

Jump up in time to grab pup by scruff and say “no, outside”.

Call spouse to clean up mess.

Fix double martini.

Sit back in lazy-boy and resolve to teach pup ‘sit-stay’ first thing tomorrow.

Take a nap because you’re all worn out from the excitement, (pup eats your house slipper).